We’re busy people with jam-packed schedules so when find time for a first date, we definitely want to make the most of it! To that end, we sometimes put pressure on ourselves to come up with the perfect questions—hoping to quickly ascertain whether or not we’re a match and if we should schedule a second date.

But actually, the most important first date questions are the ones you ask yourself! Read on to find out why!

What Are The Non-verbals Telling Me?
On first dates, it’s natural to focus on our conversation; we want to bring up interesting questions and formulate clever, concise responses. But don’t forget another type of communication at work—the nonverbal! Psychologists agree that a great deal of information is conveyed nonverbally, through such things as posture, eye contact, and tone of voice. As you’re conversing, take note of your date’s body language. Does he have a relaxed, open posture? Is her smile warm and genuine? Does he make comfortable, appropriate eye contact?

And don’t forget to consider your body language as well! Are your arms folded in a protective fashion? Do you struggle to look into his eyes? Are you leaning forward inviting her into your space or pulling away—perhaps without even realizing it? Often your body will let you know if you’re into someone even before your mind has figured it out!

How Does My Date Treat Others?
We can assume your date will treat you with kindness and respect—and if not then, “Check please!” But it’s equally important to observe how your date treats others you encounter. People often claim to possess certain qualities but the old adage, “Actions speak louder than words” always applies. Throughout your time together, remain aware of how your date interacts with the server, valet, coat check attendant, door man, and anyone else. From these observations, you’ll learn valuable information about your date’s temperament and character.

Am I Feeling Any Chemistry?
Of course, not every “happily ever after” begins with love at first sight. Then again, a couple won’t go the distance without that nebulous, but imperative, component of love—chemistry. And when it comes to chemistry, much of what’s going on is completely out of our awareness! For example, psychologists have found that we unconsciously perceive others’ pheromones and these scents are related to why we deem some people more attractive than others. As you’re getting to know each other, take stock of the butterflies—or lack thereof. In some cases, chemistry can develop but it’s also wise to acknowledge if it’s not there. Rather than trying to manufacture something that’s beyond our control, it’s better to part ways and free each other up to find someone with whom the sparks fly!

Next time you head out on a first date, consider the topics discussed above. Ultimately, the questions you ask yourself may be far more informative than any questions you pose to your date!